Parable of the Crone and Katherine

Once upon a time, a girl named Katherine lived in a land cursed by a most foul and wicked witch. This cursed land was very flat, cold and windy and never warm.

She worked in a factory changing odd vegetables into priceless jewels to be sold at market value. Her co-workers ignored her, saying that she had a strange accent and her feet were too wide. Six days a week she transformed ugliness into beauty hoping one day she would be useful to someone else.

One day, Crone aka “wicked witch” was pulling out all the troublesome flowers in her weed garden. Her man-eating plant, named Ferdinand, suddenly grabbed her by the leg and started nibbling her toes. “Stop,” Crone cried, “or I’ll make you into a miserable factory worker.”

Katherine, who just happened to be a factory worker, happened to pass by Crone’s house at that very moment. “Say, Witch!” she cried, choosing to call her by the less popular name instead of Crone. “What’s wrong with the fate of a factory worker?” she called out. Crone, or rather, Witch twisted around and studied the inverted image of Katherine outside her gate. Ferdinand was now working on her kneecap. “Where shall I start? No union, one holiday break a year and no bonuses. Only fools would choose to work in those death houses,” she replied kicking at her vegetate captor with her remaining foot.

Katherine, remembering her breathing exercises from yoga class, did not answer her. Instead, she decided to state the obvious. “Doesn’t that hurt? I mean, being eaten by a plant? Not my idea of a relaxing afternoon.” Kneecap gone, Witch realized that she needed assistance–asking for help made her sick to the stomach. “What do you want from me? Factory workers never do things out of the kindness of their heart. Always a catch, always.” Witch mumbled as her stomach turned.

Bounding into the yard with amazing agility, Katherine was soon next to Witch. “All I want,” she said pulling out a worn boyscout knife, “is for you to stop talking down to me and my co-workers. Your words make us cry.” Witch considered her proposal for a minute, wishing she still had a foot to tap. “That’s all? No demands to warm up the land or build mountains out of molehills?”

“Well, since you mention it..” Katherine had sawed through Ferdinand’s top teeth as she pried the jaws open. “You could vote in favor of better treatment for us next election. We could use paid time off.”

At that moment, Ferdinand’s grip on Witch weakened and out she popped like a rotted cork. “There you are. No better, no worse. See ya at the next meeting! I’ll sign you up for the promotional committee.” Katherine bent down to grab a ripe tomato on her way out.

Moral of the Story:

Don’t underestimate the power of the working class

OR

Always carry a boy-scout knife when working in your weed garden

Linked to Mindlovemisery Menagerie: When the Wicked Witch Visits

Image by By jhoyne