First Time


“Just one, it will help with the pain”

I felt like I was starring in an after-school special
About peer pressure and was waiting
For the credits to roll but they didn’t
They were still there and the pain overtook me again
In a weakness I took the roach and felt its warmth and
Exotic smell permeating my resolution
Six reflections, windows to different souls
Watched in curiosity
Waiting to see what I would do next
I licked my cracked lips in an attempt to stall time
Waiting for the officer to pull up or perhaps
McGruff the Crime Fighting Dog
But no one did and I realized there was no get out jail
Free card in real life
I placed the thin roll into my mouth dampening the paper
And took a small hit and felt smoke hit my virgin lungs
And explode with a burning similar to a shot of alcohol
I passed it on and waited for something to happen
Like they said it would
Numbness and daze arrived in short order
Chasing away both pain and individuality
I was now one of them
A smile attacked my mouth and a laugh jumped out
Looking around I waited for acceptance
Believing that magically I would receive a star on my belly
Like a popular Sneetch
But the moment in the spotlight had already evaporated…up in smoke
The paper roach that looked neither black or six legged
Had come to visit again


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